Double Dragon
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Double Dragon
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It all started when a man with a machine gun kidnaps a girl who happened to
be taking a stroll in a sunny day in downtown. The Lee brothers come out of
their garage and begin pummeling the pixels out of every tug (and the occasional
whip-wielding chick) in their way. The first of the series was notorious for
its assortment of grappling moves and various special moves, among them the
olbow and the knee-to-the-face technique. After shoving the machine gun up the
bad guy's rectum, Billy and Jimmy fought for the affection of Marion. Up till
this day, no one is certain who got some ass, or if they decided to settle things
and do a threesome in the end.
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Double Dragon 2
The Revenge |
Sometime later, the Lee Bros. bought themselves a garage on a rooftop, complete with a helicopter and all that. Marion got a hairdye and decided to pay them a visit, probably a booty call of sorts. The guy with the machine gun came back and instead of re-capturing the girl this time, he shot the hell out of her. Billy and Jimmy realized there would no longer be any threesomes, and were pissed, extracting vengeance on every soul that were in their way, plus some mutants here and there. The second installment had a change in gameplay, and while it seemed confusing at first, it ended up serving better than using the elbow technique this time around, it also featured that fancy Hurricane Kick which was not that useful, since enemies kept ducking hahahaha, but it was quite something to look at. In the end, both characters face a shadow version of themselves, and the creits roll displaying a photo of the deceased Marion and the guys.
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Double Dragon 3
The Rosetta Stone |
For some reason, this game had almost nothing to do wit hthe first two games, other than the fact that the Lee dudes were still around. Set one year after the events of DD2 (or something), Billy and Jimmy encouter an old hag who asks for their help locating the Rossetta Stones. Having nothing else to do, they agree, and invite a lesser known bro named Sonny Lee, who had his head up his ass during the first two games all this time. They travel around the globe with a premium ticket, pummeling natives and robbing the guys holding the stones here and there. The game's gameplay was a bit sketchy, and the overall look was horribly different from prevoius games, making this title something gamers would rather forget in the long run. It was not that it was horrible, it was just too different, and not that welcome into the DD universe. In the end, the heroes beat up the old hag and exorcise a shapely Cleopatra whose only fault was that she wanted to have a threesome (possibly foursome) with the Lee dudes. They didn't want any since by now, they all suffered from blue balls. DD3 also went the extra mile in terms of forcing gamers to spend 25 cents extra if they wanted an "extra" character, or to "purchase" the damn hurricane kick that was for free in DD2. What a rip.
Double Dragon beyond-
For some weird reason, Super Double Dragon is considered "part 4", and part of the continuity, but it seems so messedup, being that for one, Marion is DEAD since DD2, and two, well...its not even an Arcade anyway. Then there's that awful DD5 that came out of nowhere, based on that crappy cartoon of the same name. Double Dragon became a console name rather than the arcade masterpiece that was before in the long run.
Anyway, if Billy and Jimmy didn't want the treasure they stole from Cleo, they should've gave me some of it, I am tired of paying college bills.